Reflecting on Myself
In which I find a slew of photos of my reflection, change my hair part, and switch back to how I did things in my 20s.
Recently, I was looking through old photos and found a lot of artsy kind of photos of architecture and places, but what really struck me were the many, many photos I had taken of my reflection. Back in the early 2000s, I was in school for engineering, traveling, and working in Europe. I didn’t have a sketchbook like I do now or paint very often, so at the time, photography was my art. I used to walk around cities by myself for hours exploring and observing. I don’t know the meaning of why I took all these reflection photos. Vanity perhaps, or maybe it was something about proving I was there, or the fact that I was also part of the landscape by being in it. I am surprised by how many I had taken, but it seems to be an ongoing theme, even now.
When I came across the photos of my reflection, I was actually looking for a picture of my hair trying to find a good image so I could show my hair stylist what I wanted for my next haircut. These photos were taken in 2004, when I remember loving my hair (apparently, I was also way into wearing two shirts and low rise jeans back then…). Turns out, I used to part my hair on the other side and I had completely forgotten that fact, but I think it looked good on me.
The Update Emails
Besides those photos of my reflection I took while traveling, I would keep my friends and family up to date with emails about what I was doing. The updates began while backpacking in Europe with my long time friend Bradley after graduating from college. This was pre-social media and these “Updates” came sporadically, when I could find an internet cafe and sit down for an hour. They sometimes included photos, were charmingly naive (perhaps a little cringy), and had oh so many typos.
When I settled in northern Germany to work for a wind turbine manufacturer, the emails were about the culture and all my incredible blunders at work. There were also the adventurers traveling in Europe with my mom and meeting distant relatives. Then coming back to the states and visiting friends, off to Park City to be a ski bum, and finally to grad school at Stanford.
Back in Iowa in this April, when I was visiting family, my Grandma handed me a stack of my printed out updates that she had kept for 20 years. Giving them back to me, I marveled that she had even kept them, but recalled fondly that a lot of friends and family said they had enjoyed receiving the emails and loved hearing about my travels.
Once I finished grad school (for yet another engineering degree that I no longer use but am still glad I have), I moved back to Park City to start working. Unfortunately, I stopped writing the updates - life didn’t seem as exciting once I was settled as it was while I was galavanting around the world. And anyhow, by then, we had Facebook and it felt redundant to do both.
I am so very grateful I didn’t have social media back then as we do now. Rather than trying to document and share it minute by minute or trying to be some sort of influencer, I got to travel the world and soak it all up. I loved writing those updates and it was great to share what I was doing in a relaxed and easy way that was thoughtful and on my own time.
In fact, I miss those email updates, and social media has never quite felt the same. Writing has always been important to me, and the updates were a way to share my view on the world and how I was navigating it. I’ve been thinking a lot lately and talking with friends and other artists about how best to share art work. I want it to be both joyful for me and more interesting for you.
The current landscape of social media is leaving something to be desired in my opinion. For the last say, oh 5 years, I’ve been posting as though it were a knee-jerk reaction and something that I do last minute. I rarely planned posts, despite all the new apps/capabilities to schedule ahead. I would remember oh! I have show coming up I need to promote, or some new art to share. But mostly, I would get to the end of the day and say, “shit, what am I going to post?” And if I was lucky I had a few things I recorded, or an image that I took in passing. It wasn’t a strategy, it was a reaction.
Switching My Part and My Mindset
After looking at all those photos of myself from my 20s, I switched my part back. And after reading all those updates my Grandma had saved, I was nostalgic for my quirky updates. So I’m switching back to that too.
The updates were fun for me - not only the act of writing them, but the way my life was when I did it. I wasn’t running around trying to figure out what to post that day. I had time to digest my travels and thoughts and then to coalesce them into something worthwhile to say. And now, I want to get back to that way of being, taking time to slow down, thinking about my work and what it might mean in a larger context, so I can tell stories.
After reading a number of articles, listening to some podcasts, and talks with friends, I’ve decided that I was on my phone too much anyhow. Honestly, it was making that Wes Anderson style reel about my new studio that was the straw that broke my mind open on this whole thing and made me start reflecting on what I was actually doing. With that reel, I gave into the peer pressure and spent over 2 hours filming it and at least a couple more editing it. I sat on it for two weeks because I hadn’t told anyone I was remodeling the studio yet and felt like I had to tell the whole backstory before sharing that video. Seriously, I cannot spend that much time making videos!! No one can.
This last month and a half, we’ve been spending time at our place in Southern Utah renovating an 80 year old shed to create an art studio for myself. I’ve been loving every minute of our time here and doing things that I really enjoy - building, fixing, getting my hands in the dirt, being outside, and now making art in my new studio. I’ve been asking myself a lot - “How do you want to spend your time?” I’ve had a mind shift (and a part shift). I’d rather spend my time doing things that actually make me happy, that are interesting for me, and maybe even hopefully you.
I want to share my art with ya’ll, but I don’t want to feel like I’m a machine or trying to beat an algorithm. I’m not interested in getting the most followers or likes. And as Matt wisely said when I was hashing out this plan,
“Don’t live for the likes, like how you live”.
What to Expect
So if you’re interested in going along on this experimental ride with me, stick around. I’m looking to try out some new ideas and play off some old ones, and I’m hoping this medium or one similar, will allow me to share in a way that works for me. I want to make art that doesn’t necessarily fit in a box, (ie Instagram’s square box), and have felt hampered by the current trends in social media because what I want to do doesn’t fit their mold. It’s time to break out of that box to something that allows for more flexibility for my work, not to mention my mental health. I’m more interested in slow content, artwork that I make on my time, and then being able to tell the stories about how and why I made it.
This is a work in progress, much like this studio/shed, (which we are slowly working on). What this newsletter is or will become is as yet unknown to me. I will be sharing my work through this newsletter first. Honestly, I really wanted to start sending out paper newsletters, but you know, trees and all… So I settled for a digital one, in which I can share all the images, maybe some videos, audio perhaps. But the whole point is to share the story of the work. And then, as Instagram is still a way to connect and share with old and new followers, I will still be posting there, but only after I write these updates. I will use it as a tool, rather than letting it use me. I’ll be focussing on how I can make great art, not on how many likes it gets.
And with that, I’ll leave you be. More updates next week, or perhaps every other week. We’ll see. I’m off to like how I live.
In Other News
Gallery MAR recently had it’s 15th anniversary! To celebrate they had a group show with the gallery artists submitting 15x15 inch paintings. I made two paintings for the show - “Approach Gentle” and “Surety” both of which are now on view and available at the gallery. Please contact info@gallerymar.com to learn more.
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How wonderful your grandmother saved all your travel dispatches! You make so many profound points in this post and I hope you find more fulfillment setting your own terms and timeline for when and if you post on any media.